story by Shelby Vezain
“What do you want to be when you grow up, Shelby?” The number one question we always got asked as a little kid. My answer was always a singer. I thought I had the best voice in all of Musselshell County. While we were young, we usually answered those questions by what we have seen, or think would be fun. At 5 years old, I had no idea the amount of work, traveling and auditioning it takes to be a singer. It never crossed my mind that no matter what I did, to make sure it was glorifying God. That is what I strive for today!
The few months after my husband’s wreck I was struggling with a lot of different things. I tried to blame it on the newborn baby or the fact that all the emotions from JR’s wreck had finally caught up to me but the reality of it was that I was having an identity crisis. Identity crisis at 25 years old? What does that even mean? I will be the first to tell you, I had no idea either until God pointed it right out to me.
At twenty-one years old, I was married and started getting introduced as “Mrs. Vezain” or JR’s wife. I never thought much of it but over the years I started molding my identity into that. I am not saying it was a bad thing at all because at the end of the day I was just a proud wife; however, I lost sight of who God created me to be. Looking back there were times when my priorities were completely out of line. Instead of seeking God at all times, JR would slip up to the front of the priority list.
I kept trying to figure out why I missed rodeo so much and JR did not. That’s a story of its own but JR always says he misses the brotherhood and spurring bucking horses but not rodeoing. I missed every little thing about it, and I was not even the one doing it. I was just the night shift driver who planned the tourist trips for the days off on the road. Maybe I missed the bareback wives who turned into sisters? Yes but no that’s not completely it because I still got to spend time with them. Maybe it was the carnival corndogs that I hunted out at every rodeo? Well defiantly, but I can live without those. After months of journaling and spending time in the word, God revealed it to me. It was the title that came with it all. I was struggling because I was having a hard time finding my worth without that title. I know that sounds completely silly, but this is real life and I have lived through it. I was putting my identity in my husband and not in Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior.
Mother, sister, wife, daughter, professional athlete, actress, rancher, nurse—these are all titles that we can get caught up in and put our identity in. These titles are what we do, not “who” we are. “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart…” Jeremiah 1:5 God set us apart and made us completely who we are. He did not expect us to search the oceans for a title to find satisfaction and worth on this earth. I love owning cows and living on a ranch, but that is just what I do, not who I am.
We do not need those titles to find worth. I was seeking worth through being a wife instead of seeking my worth through Christ. Some may find their worth through social media likes instead of remembering no matter how many likes or comments you get, God loves you!
Are there things in your life that you have put so much confidence and pride in, that if Jesus were to ask you to give them up, could you? I love this verse that Paul states in Phillians 3:7-9 “I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them to be worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ.” In a previous verse Paul goes on to state about all his accomplishments and now he is saying he has discarded all his own trophies to gain the most important one, Christ.
When we are confident in our identity in Christ, that gives our God given passions, personalities, and gifts a chance to shine bright!
